Sex Tips

Tips for Lasting Longer in Bed and Having More Sex

Let’s be honest: sex feels great, and making those pleasurable feelings last longer for you and your partner is a goal you probably have – even if you already have a lot of stamina. We’ve got some tips and tools to help you delay ejaculation and last longer in bed. Spoiler alert: more masturbation and more sex are in your future.

How long does sex usually last?

According to the research, penis-in-vagina penetration lasts an average of 5-7 minutes before the person with the penis orgasms.

However, that doesn’t mean that the whole sexual experience lasted less than 6 minutes. We don’t know what these couples did before penetration or after that orgasm.

It also doesn’t mean that the other partner climaxed that quickly. More recent research has found that people with vulvas take about 10-20 minutes to orgasm from penis-in-vagina sex and, more importantly, that penis-in-vagina sex alone isn’t enough to get them there.

What all this adds up to is this:

1. You probably aren’t ejaculating “prematurely” (that’s defined as coming within 1 minute of penetration, no matter how much you try to delay it), but you may be coming before you want to. Don’t worry: there’s help in either case.

2. People with penises typically come more quickly than people with vulvas. Knowing this, you can use techniques and timing to help ensure both partners get to orgasm – and then bask in the afterglow.

3. Penetration is only one part of sex and adding other techniques and activities (erotic massage, kinks, oral) can prolong the pleasure before climax.

4. Um, you can come more than once, so if it happens faster than you wanted the first time, focus on your partner during your refractory period, then go again.

Why you might not be lasting as long as you want in bed

Most men have had the experience of coming to soon and there are a lot of reasons—physical, emotional, and relationship-based—that could be behind the unwanted speed.

Some of the reasons for premature ejaculation are medical, such as abnormal hormone levels, depression, erectile dysfunction, or inflammation near the prostate. If you’re worried about any of these issues, or never last as long as you want, consider seeing a healthcare provider who can offer some treatments.

But for most people, coming too quickly lies in expectations, emotions, and intense stimulation. A good sexual experience is one where all partners leave satisfied and happy. It could last an hour, go on and off all night and into the next morning, or take exactly 7 minutes and 16 seconds. Moreover, good sex doesn’t have to include any kind of penetration to be considered good or to be considered sex.

Tips for How to Last Longer in Bed

While increasing your time of sexual intercourse might not be necessary, if you’re unhappy with how long you usually last during sex, these tips can help.

1. Masturbate More (& Before You Plan to Have Sex)

We often recommend masturbation and we’re going to recommend it again. Solo sex can be sex without pressure where you can learn what it feels like when you’re about to ejaculate and practice some techniques for pulling yourself back from the brink (see edging and squeezing below). You can also learn what absolutely puts you over that edge so you can avoid it until you and your partner are satisfied with how long sex has lasted.

Try using a masturbation sleeve during your training sessions. These soft sex toys mimic the feeling of being enveloped by a partner and take away some of the external control you have when just using your hand. Using a sleeve can help your solo practice be a bit more like penetrative sex with a partner and help you practice your delay tactics.

Also, consider masturbating before you plan to have sex. Ejaculating within a few hours of having sex might make your body less sensitive to sensation and allow you to last longer.

2. Communicate with Your Partner About How Long Sex Lasts

Here’s another thing we always recommend— talking to your partner about sex. We know this stuff can be embarrassing but keeping your anxiety about coming too soon to yourself will only make it worse. For one thing, maybe your partner doesn’t think that penetration needs to last any longer than it usually does. Talk about taking the pressure off!

Talking about wanting to last longer in bed with your partner allows them to become part of the solution. They can help you figure out your triggers and stay away from specific moves or sensations until you’re both ready. They can also stretch foreplay out a little longer, offer up new positions, and assist with edging – which can increase the intensity for both of you.

3. Amp Up the Foreplay

Sometimes we need reminding that there is more to sex than penetration, and plenty of couples never have penis-in-anything sex and have lots of fun. Prolonging the foreplay and exploring each other’s pleasure buttons builds anticipation and deemphasizes penetration (if you choose to have it).

When penetrative sex is just one of many things, it matters less how long it lasts, and when it matters less, it often lasts longer. Plus, this gives you a lot of opportunities to give your partner orgasms.

Need some inspiration? Read our ideas for foreplay, learn some techniques to stimulate the g-spot or clitoris, try some backdoor play, find some ways to expand mutual masturbation , or learn how to give great oral. We could go on, and on, and on.

4. Change Up Your Sex Positions

Early ejaculation (and orgasm in general) is often the result of intense stimulation. If you feel yourself getting close and you don’t want to come yet, changing positions can give a break in the stimulation so you can build intensity again and keep going for a little longer.

The position you choose may matter, too. For people with penises, the rubbing and thrusting involved in deep penetration positions like doggie style or even missionary can be the most intense.

Try something else where you and your partner are moving together—like spooning or other side-to-side positions. Cowgirl, reverse cowgirl, and other partner-on-top sex positions can also help, since they are in charge of the speed and intensity and can pull away or pause to lower stimulation (or raise it for an out-of-control Big O).

5. Slow Down and Limit Thrusting

Controlling your speed when having penetrative sex also helps you control how quickly you come. Faster thrusting tends to lead more quickly to an orgasm. If you feel yourself getting close but don’t want to ejaculate just yet, slow down the thrusts, or pull all the way out between them to lower intensity. You can also stay inside and move around (try circles or side-to-side and see what your partner enjoys) instead of thrusting. Bonus: this deeper penetration often is quite fun for your partner and can help build intensity for their orgasm.

6. Use Edging and Squeezing to Slow Climax

There are a few techniques that can help stop ejaculation. They both involve getting close to orgasm and pulling back (or in this case out). Edging (also called peaking, surfing or teasing) is essentially getting very close to the edge of your climax, stopping sex for a bit until the feeling of being about to come passes, and starting again. Do this a few times in a row until you are ready to orgasm.

With squeezing you do the same thing, only when you pull out, you or your partner gently squeezes the tip of your penis. This interrupts the sensations you were feeling and should help postpone orgasm. You can also do this a few times in a row before climaxing.

Both edging and squeezing techniques can help delay orgasm in the moment and can also help train your body and brain so that you’re better able to pull back from ejaculation in the future. As we said before, you might want to try to “master” these techniques during masturbation before bringing them out during sex with a partner.

Here's another plus: both of these techniques are part of tantric sex practice and are also referenced in the Kama Sutra. Think of what you’re doing as mastering the art of pleasure – for yourself and your partner. Reframing these techniques as pleasure enhancing and leading to more intense orgasms can help you focus less on the “issue” of lasting longer and more on the extended and heightened sensations that can “come” with delaying ejaculation.

7. Use Your Muscles

Kegels are not just for people with vaginas. These classic pelvic floor strengthening exercises can also help people with penises build stamina for sex. The muscles to work with are the same ones you use when you’re trying to stop yourself from peeing, so you can practice while using the bathroom (or just imagining that you are). Another way to think of this muscle movement is to try to move your scrotum toward your body without using your hands. (Admit it, you’re trying this now.)

Once you’ve isolated these muscles, give them a workout. Tighten them, count to 10, release, tighten again. Do a few sets of 10 a few times each day. The good thing about these exercises is that you can do them while you’re doing other things—sitting at your desk, watching TV, standing in line for the beer truck—and no one will ever know.

Strengthening the pelvic floor muscles can help you control ejaculation and has also been found to improve erections.

8. Use an Extended Pleasure Condom to Help You Last Longer

Coming sooner than you wanted is usually the result of too much stimulation on the penis. Some condoms, like the Trojan™ Extended Pleasure, come pre-lubricated with climax control lubricant to help sex last longer.

Plus, condoms can help you relax because you know you’re protected from STIs and pregnancy, allowing you to focus on the pleasure and the moment.

9. Try Trojan™ Extended Pleasure Delay Spray for Longer Lasting Sex

There are also products that can help you last longer in bed by reducing sensation when you’re not wearing a condom. Trojan™ Extended Pleasure Delay Spray is made with Benzocaine which helps desensitize the skin but still allows you to feel plenty of pleasure. Apply the delay spray to the head and shaft of the penis just before sex to help you have longer sex.

Lasting Longer in Bed isn’t the Only #SexGoal

Every sexual experience is different. Some may be marathons while others are sprints, and both can be awesome (sometimes a hot-and-heavy spontaneous quickie is ah-mazing

We’ve given you some tips on how to last longer in bed, but we want to leave you with this thought—a stopwatch is not the right way to measure sexual satisfaction. Removing the pressure of having to go all night may be the most important step toward actually being able to go all night. Relax, enjoy, and watch your partner, not the clock.