SEX TIPS

How to Sext: The Basics for Sexy Text Messaging

Even when you have a regular sexual partner, the act of sexting can be a fun way to spice up your sex life and build anticipation for intercourse – or to keep you both occupied when you’re apart. And even when you don’t have a romantic partner, sexting with a physical connection can be tremendously satisfying, so long as you both consent to the act.

Yes, it's essential to ensure all parties consent to sexting before getting down and dirty (virtually anyway).. But what does the word “sexting” really encompass, and how do you know if you’re getting close to crossing the line from flirty texts to SMS sexting? Is there such a thing as a “good” nude? We’re offering the ultimate guide on sexting with tips and ideas so you can be satisfied and enjoy sexting safely.

What is Sexting?

“Sexting” is a form of communication where the parties involved exchange sexually explicit messages – these can come in the form of text, images (nude or semi-nude) or videos, and voice notes. It’s an activity meant to provoke arousal and, in some cases, can ultimately lead to mutual masturbation.

Now, a “sext” can range from seemingly flirtatious to rather obvious. For example, outright sending a nude or dick pic during sexting speaks for itself. But a “sext” might also be something as simple as sending the recipient a message about the encounter you both shared the night before or an erotic fantasy you can’t seem to get out of your head.

Additionally, sexting can take place on different platforms. For example, SMS sexting may take place on a phone or computer. Alternatively, you and your sexting companion may exchange nudes on apps like Snapchat – and you may also do a video call on Snapchat or FaceTime, which may prove especially beneficial if you’re in a long-distance relationship or trying to connect with your partner when they’re away from home. You might also find sexting websites with consenting adults, though some of these may be subscription-based.

Before we dive deeper into sexting ideas and how to sext, though, we must speak on the importance of getting consent.

The Golden Rule of Sexting: Always Get Consent First

If you were going to have in-person sex with someone for the first time, you wouldn't do it without getting a firm "yes" from them. The same thing applies to sexting. Before you even think about sending nudes or asking someone to share their fantasies, you have to have consent. You need consent whenever you meet someone new or want to engage in a new sexual activity that you haven't engaged in before with your established sexting companion. (And you need continual consent. Just because you've gotten a yes before doesn't mean it's a permanent yes. Consent can be taken away at any time.)

Failing to gain consent has very serious repercussions. This is a form of sexual harassment and can result in psychological harm for the victim. For the person sending the unsolicited sexts, this can result in job loss, lawsuits, and even criminal charges. Additionally, sexting should only occur between two legal, consenting adults. For example, in some states, minors can be charged with possession of child pornography even if both parties consent. So, it’s also important to know your privacy rights and state laws before engaging with a sexting companion.

Since it can be harder to interpret intent via text vs. in person, be clear and specific in what you are asking to do before using any sexy innuendos. Asking things like "Do you like to have dirty talk via texts?" or "Are you comfortable with online sexting" allows the person on the other side to give you a firm "yes" or "no" answer.

You also need to ask if the person is open to receiving and sending sexy photos or nudes. Some people do not want to have racy photos of themselves on their own devices, let alone someone else's. Others just have no interest in this type of interaction. Regardless of their reasons, they don't owe you an explanation so do not pressure them.

What to Do Once You Gain Consent for Sexting

Once you have consent, it's time to get busy. If it's your first time sexting or your first time sexting someone new, there are a few tips and ideas to consider:

Establish Your Platforms: Setting boundaries with where you and your partner are going to chat is key. The last thing you would want is to get frisky on a shared account or if your partner's parents or friends frequently flip through their texts. Whether it's Snapchat sexting, Instagram DMs, phone texting, or some combination of chosen sexting apps and methods, do whatever works for you!

Start with the Basics: Tell your partner how hot you think they are. Ask them what they're wearing. Say what you'd do to one another if you were together. Start with things that build the conversation rather than going full-blown erotica from the get-go. Remember, building anticipation is an important part of foreplay – starting slow can help increase the desire between you and your sexting companion. That can contribute to a natural progression from naughty SMS sexts to full-blown mutual masturbation.

Be Reciprocal: Sexting shouldn't feel like an interview. After your sexting companion replies to your sexts, give some details back. Make them feel like they want to go deeper and ask you questions, too.

These are baselines for sexting that can help make it a mutually enjoyable experience between you and your sexting companion. As is the case with in-person sexual intercourse, you also want to avoid sexting becoming a redundant activity. So, it’s good for you and your sexting companion to bring new ideas to the table to keep things fresh.

How to Sext: Ideas for Sexting

Ok, so let's say you've established boundaries and you've been sexting for a while now, but your conversation is starting to feel a little stale. Or maybe you're in a long-distance relationship and sexting is not the greatest substitute for the real thing. These feelings are normal. It's challenging to convey tone and nuance in a text, and it's hard for the digital touch to replace the physical touch. Check out these sexting examples to take things to the next level:

Make the Mundane Sexy: Tell your partner you're doing the laundry and say how you'd like to ride them on the washing machine. Say you're about to take a shower and you wish your partner was there. Depicting ordinary, everyday situations as erotic scenarios can increase the spiciness between you and your sexting companion. It might even encourage you and your partner to try some kinkier sex activities!

Roleplay: Create your own alter egos and play out your fantasies like you're someone else. This can open up possibilities for the conversation to evolve and expand into areas that aren't as realistic if it's based on your own life. Think of it like writing an erotic screenplay in real time, or a means of speaking to items on your sex bucket list!

Create a Love Language Through Emojis: Emojis are staples of regular text message conversations, so why not create your own emoji codes through SMS sexting? Go beyond the eggplants and peaches - maybe for you, the ice cream emoji means oral sex.

Throw it Back to a Memory: Ask "Remember that time when..." Maybe it's something your partner wore or a sexual adventure you had together. Remind each other of that moment, how it felt, and how much you want to experience it again.

Get Explicit: Learning how to dirty talk can be an art, and different sexting companions may have different preferences when it comes to dirty talk. Still, being explicit about what you’re dreaming of doing to your partner or what you want them to do can help crank up the heat in a hurry. Avoid being overly generic and try to be more specific and intentional with explicit details when you send a sext – like how you plan to stare into your partner’s eyes and kiss their neck while you penetrate them during missionary sex.

Add in Sex Toys or Lube: Using lube or sex toys can help make masturbation feel all the more satisfying, and it might be something your sexting companion enjoys as well! They might derive pleasure from knowing the back-and-forth sexts are making you that horny. And, if you’re sending nudes or videos, they may enjoy watching you masturbate in real-time. Grab your Trojan™ sex toy or personal lubricant of choice to help you get off for an orgasmic climax your sexting companion will love seeing or hearing about.

Keeping things fresh and knowing what turns your sexting companion on can help you become a sexting expert in no time!

How to Send Nudes

Ultimately, the way you send nudes – if you have consent to do so – depends on what turns your sexting companion on and makes them want to reciprocate. They might enjoy a close-up of your genitals or mirror pics. Here are some general when you send nudes:

Understand the Implications: Before sending a nude, it’s important to understand the potential permanence. Images can be kept when SMS sexting – and even apps where images “disappear,” like Snapchat, still have a level of permanence if the recipient decides to take screenshots. So, know your rights and possible permanent implications of sending a nude to your sexting companion.

Know What Your Partner Likes: Your sexting companion might love to see you arch your butt in the air and flash your genitals like you’re about to receive backshots in doggy style position. People with a penis may ask, “How do I take a good dick pic?” Well, your sexting companion may love seeing the veins on your erect penis up close or have a particular fondness for the penis head or the balls. As a rule of thumb: understanding the specifics of what gets your partner going (that could mean adding written descriptions or being vocal when sending nudes) and catering to those desires will always make for a good nude.

Find Your Comfort Level: Not everyone feels immediately comfortable stripping down. Or maybe you’re subconscious about a particular body part. If this is the case, but you still want to send your sexting companion some sexy flicks, you might consider posing semi-nude or flaunting your favorite lingerie. Perhaps you find a way to hide some of those areas you feel self-conscious about. Speaking of angles…

Get ALL the Angles: Full frontal. Sideways views and from behind. On your back. Choose various angles that help show off your assets – that could also mean striking a pose to emphasize your curves or muscles. Your partner might enjoy seeing how your erect, curved penis looks from the side, and you might love the way their breasts look when they lay flat on the bed. Regardless, experimenting with angles is a big part of taking good nudes.

Consider Your Background and Lighting: It sounds silly, but the right lighting can really emphasize your features in a good way, or possibly hide the things you feel self-conscious about. Similarly, even if you have a hot bod, your sexting companion might be distracted by a mountain of clothes in the background. So, choose your setting and lighting wisely.

Be Spontaneous: Say you and your partner or sexting companion have established that you both welcome giving and receiving sexts. Sending a sext when they least expect can get the juices going and make things hot and heavy. Maybe you FaceTime your partner in nothing but a thong when they’re all alone in their hotel room after an exhausting day of travel. Or, if you’re both feeling risqué, you might send your partner a dick pic when they’re in the office. Remember: consent is essential. But once you have established ground rules, find ways to surprise your sexting companion.

Lastly, as we said earlier, be reciprocal. Exchanging nudes back and forth with a sexting companion offers the chance to experiment and further delve into what gets both of you all hot and bothered.

Stock Up on Trojan™ Products and Sext Like a Pro

Sexting can add some oomph to your sex life. Choose your favorite Trojan™ sex toy and lube to help take a sexting relationship to the next level. And stock up on Trojan™ condoms in case that virtual spark leads to an in-person romp session.